Rabu, 25 November 2015

~~ PDF Download Hood: An Urban Erotic Tale, by Noire

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Hood: An Urban Erotic Tale, by Noire

Lamont "Hood" Mason is a fearless nineteen-year-old gangsta who was born and raised in the projects of Brooklyn. He was an abandoned child who roamed the cold city streets and fought hard for survival. The only thing constant in his young life was the safety of a Brownsville barbershop owned by a father figure called Fat Daddy. When Fat Daddy gets caught slippin and crosses paths with Xanbar, a notoriously brutal drug kingpin, his vices threaten to bring death down on the family Hood loves. No longer the starving kid on the street, he's now a man seeking vengeance and retribution, and he might be forced to choose between bending or breaking as he picks up the shattered pieces of his life, one by one.

  • Sales Rank: #191748 in Books
  • Brand: Noire
  • Model: 1775906
  • Published on: 2007-08-07
  • Released on: 2007-08-07
  • Original language: English
  • Number of items: 1
  • Dimensions: 8.25" h x .90" w x 5.31" l, .69 pounds
  • Binding: Paperback
  • 352 pages

Most helpful customer reviews

0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Young lives lost..
By Landis A.
This book is so intriguing. Lots of young lives exposed to so much. Loved it. Second time reading it.

0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Five Stars
By Amazon Customer
Love love love!!!

9 of 10 people found the following review helpful.
Noire does it again!
By Michelle
"Hood" was a great book! I was hooked from page one. Noire did her thing, I always know when I get a Noire book it's gonna be a sure nuf page turner!
Lamont aka Hood never had an easy life, he started out on his own at age 11 trying to take care if his baby brother Moo on the cold streets of Brooklyn. Their mom Marjay is a crackhead who leaves them to fend for themselves. Hood grows up and gets involves in the street life 100%. Hood's life is never easy and the people he loves most always seem to hurt him or leave him.
This story had me hooked and the parts about Moo had me in tears literally, I could feel the pain and hurt. I also felt bad for Zena, and her baby Dreka.
This is a must read Noire does not dissapoint!!

See all 94 customer reviews...

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Selasa, 24 November 2015

^^ Fee Download Devil's Gate: Brigham Young and the Great Mormon Handcart Tragedy, by David Roberts

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Devil's Gate: Brigham Young and the Great Mormon Handcart Tragedy, by David Roberts

The revelatory story, now in paperback, of the worst disaster in the history of the Western migrations—and how Brigham Young made it a parable of the indomitable Mormon spirit.

• Dramatic re-telling of a terrible but little-known tragedy: In 1856, 220 Mormons traveling west to Utah, pushing and pulling their belongings in handcarts, died of malnutrition and hypothermia. Roberts draws on contemporary letters and diaries to re-create the drama and suffering.

• A powerful indictment of Brigham Young: Young had been warned that the pilgrims were at risk from winter storms; he could have waited until the next year or sent aid eastward sooner but failed to do so until it was too late. Not only have Young’s biographers ignored or minimized this tragic and preventable event, they’ve tacitly accepted the official version of the story, which casts it as an unavoidable act of God that tested—and proved—the faith and steadfastness of the Mormon spirit.

• Follows the success of other books about the Mormons: Devil’s Gate will appeal to the same readers that made Jon Krakauer’s Under the Banner of Heaven and Steven Naifeh and Gregory White Smith’s The Mormon Murders into explosive, national bestsellers.

  • Sales Rank: #582651 in Books
  • Published on: 2009-08-11
  • Released on: 2009-08-11
  • Original language: English
  • Number of items: 1
  • Dimensions: 8.44" h x 1.00" w x 5.50" l, .80 pounds
  • Binding: Paperback
  • 416 pages

From Publishers Weekly
In 1856, two groups of Mormon emigrants using handcarts to transport their belongings got a disastrously late start on their westward trek to Utah. Unexpected October blizzards and the lack of restocked supplies left them stranded in Wyoming, coping with frostbite, starvation and disease. While Mormon retellings of this story have emphasized the subsequent daring rescue, Roberts sees the whole episode as an entirely preventable disaster from start to finish. Moreover, he fixes the blame at the top, arguing that Brigham Young, then president of the church, consistently undervalued human life, created dangerous situations with regard to provisions in order to pinch pennies and dissembled after the fact about not having any knowledge of the emigrants' late start. Roberts builds a persuasive case, arguing from dozens of primary sources and using the emigrants' own haunting words about their experiences. He competently situates the tragedy within the context of the 1856–1857 Mormon Reformation, a time of religious extremism. This is a solid and well-researched contribution to Mormon studies and the history of the American West. (Sept.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

From Booklist
Although well known among the Mormon faithful, the story of the Mormon handcart tragedy remains unfamiliar to most others. Roberts seeks to remedy this via his passionate account of one of the most disastrous and ill-conceived cross-country journeys in the history of the American West. Laying the blame squarely on the shoulders of Mormon leader Brigham Young, who hatched the preposterous plan to transport more than 3,000 European converts on foot from Iowa to Utah, pushing all their belongings in handcarts, Roberts smashes the Mormon myth embellished and spun by Young that somehow managed to turn tragedy into triumph. Although some may be uncomfortable with his searing indictment of Young, this compelling account of a major frontier catastrophe is hard to put down. --Margaret Flanagan

Review
"Devil's Gate is the chilling story of the greatest disaster in the history of American westward settlement: the Mormon handcart tragedy. With meticulous research and elegant writing, Roberts tells a gripping story of impoverished Europeans brought to the New World with a promise of hope, who died in the wilderness of the American West under the most appalling circumstances. It is more than just history: it is an indictment of fundamentalism itself. This book is proof that people who are serenely certain they know the mind of God are not only presumptuous, they are dangerous. Devil's Gate is a book of history with an important message for the modern world." -- Douglas Preston, author of Blasphemy and The Monster of Florence

" This disturbing account of the Mormon immigrants who in 1856 pushed handcarts for more than 1,000 miles from Iowa to Salt Lake City is narrative history at its best. It's also pertinent to our time, for David Roberts shows how, in the cover-up of the most deadly catastrophe in the history of Western migration, political and religious leaders turned failed experiments into triumphs and tragedies into hymnals. Roberts has swept away the cobwebs in his stirring book." -- Ted Morgan, author of Wilderness at Dawn and A Shovel of Stars

" The tragedy of the handcart people forms the largest carnage of the Western migration and is one of the great wounds that made Mormonism America's most successful native religion. David Roberts in this fine book shows how the dying came not from bad luck, not from early snows, not from God, but from the Prophet Brigham Young and his pursuit of profit and power. An eye-opener on the man who brought Zion to our desert and our national life." -- Charles Bowden, author of Desierto and Blues for Cannibals

Most helpful customer reviews

90 of 100 people found the following review helpful.
Important Perspective
By Todd Morgan
This book provides an important perspective on one of the greatest horrors of the settlement of Utah.

My great-great-great grandmother was a member of the Hunt wagon train that trailed the two hand cart companies that are the focus of this book. She died a day before the remains of her family arrived in Salt Lake City in December, 1856. Three of her children died along the trail. Two others arrived seriously frostbitten. All available evidence suggests that the surviving family members remained true to the Church. But it is hard to believe that the family would have made the trek from England to Utah had they had any realistic notion of what awaited them.

My grandfather was a man of faith, a good Mormon, who lived his entire life in Utah; all of it with a serious attitude about the leadership of the LDS church. I have often wondered about the roots of his somber hostility toward higher ups in the Church, whom he generally regarded as feckless fancies more concerned with appearance than truth. I find this same strain of disgust in the attitudes of my uncles. In my family, there is great appreciation and affection for everyday people who live in the understory of the the Mormon hierarchy, and very often a generally accepted bitterness toward Church leadership, in word and manner.

I have long suspected that the strain of deep bitterness evident in the family had its roots in a deep sense of great injustice sometime in the past. This book may provide the answer.

The stories my grandmother shared about the horrors of the last emigration of 1856 were honest yet focused on faith and enhancing understanding and appreciation for the hardships suffered by our ancestors. There was never mention that the suffering was caused in large measure by the bad decisions of Church leadership.

I've read dozens of accounts of the emigration of 1856. This book matters. It is the best yet.

The author writes with a profound respect for the humanity of all involved, but also with a clear head about the causes and consequences of terribly flawed decisions.

When I take people to the mouth of Emigration Canyon and relate the story of my great-great-grandmother who arrived there, "dead in the wagon," I will look at the men on the top of the great monument there with respect, but not with the reverence that is commonly promoted. I will also wish for them the fruits of their faith - the opportunity to face the souls of the good people who didn't make it to Salt Lake in 1856 for all eternity - as equals.

37 of 43 people found the following review helpful.
Excellent history of Preventable Tragedy...
By lordhoot
Devil's Gate by David Roberts proves to be a well written account of the Mormon Handcart expeditions. Although the handcart expeditions constituted only about 10% of new Mormons coming into Utah Territory during this period, the legends and mythology of the trials and suffering of the members of these handcart expeditions make them a near demi-gods to Mormon historians. The book explained very well the essence of these handcart expeditions and their history.

However the key elements of this book lies in the Willie and Martin Handcart expeditions, both handcart trains that left on their journey to Utah Territory late in the season and how they were caught in the on-coming winter storms. Over 200 Mormons died due to exposure, weakened by lack of food, clothing and burdened with physical and mental hardship. The author's intent was to proved that these deaths did not have to happened and could have been preventable. Once more, the deadly finger of blame lies toward the leadership of the LDS Church who created the handcart expedition plan for that year. Brigham Young, ultimately stand in the center of this since he was the leader of the Church, helped initiate and plan the handcart expeditions. Thus as the leader, the buck stops with him. The blames can equally be shared with lower level of Mormon command structures, the elders who shared Young's plans and encouraged by his mindset. They encouraged Willie and Martin handcart companies forward into the wilderness. The people who made up these companies were just new arrivals from England, knowing nothing of the terrain they were about to go over nor the weather they could be expecting. They relied solely on their American Mormon breathens and the leadership from Salt Lake City that took them this far. They were sorely let down by all of them.

Still, this is an amazing story of courage and valor that would make anyone proud. The book is very descriptive of their activities, relying greatly on journals and notes of the people involved. Despite of the hardship, despite of deaths, they never give up, and even after they were rescued, they never blamed a soul for their suffering. They were the true heroes of the story. I am sorry to say that I can't say much about the people who sent them on nor the leadership in Salt Lake City that urged that mindset.

Overall, a great history book that tell a story that needed to be told. Its scattered the mythology created by the modern day Mormons regarding the Willie and Martin handcart expeditions that highlights their rescue but not the reason why they needed rescuing. And its a great book for anyone interested in American western history as it shows that not all wagon trains were pulled by four-legged animals.

I am afraid, those of the LDS faith will probably have troubles with this book. While the book talked highly of Mormons of Willie and Martin handcart companies, it does not talk very highly for the Mormon leadership at any level. Brigham Young defenders will not doubt go up in arms by his portrayal in this book. Others may go up in arms because the author mentioned Will Bagley quite a few times. I think for a Mormon, Bagley and Sally Denton are the anti-Christ of their faith based history.

Still for the rest of us, this is an easy to read, highly interesting and quite educational book that should be an eye-opener for many.

14 of 15 people found the following review helpful.
A mania for the benefit of all - -
By C. Bryan
Devil's Gate is a place along the Mormon Trail in the middle of Wyoming (Natrona County), where the Sweetwater River passes through a narrow canyon a few miles west of Independence Rock, just one of those apealing appelations people tag onto natural formations of dirt and rock. But, in this case, it is a placename attending "The Great Mormon Handcart Tragedy", part of the subtitle for this very readable book, an account of suffering and sacrifice in mid-ninteenth century America.
Zealous fervor (to use the kindest language for the intensity for irrational belief) is common among human factions, displayed in many forms. Delusion, too, is not limited to language groups or geographical locals; people often are carried away to unrealistic goals (though through luck and perseverance, often succeed). Events, though, can proceed occasionally to death and martyrdom, and, within a closed society, survivors of initial hardships steel themselves in confirmation of their faith - true whether persecuted into self-righteousness or beligerantly aggressive to convert the uninformed.
"Devil's Gate" is a condemnation of Brigham Young's intent to flood Deseret with pilgrims with scant support, depending entirely on the zestful yearning his followers had for soul-salvation in a place ordaned as nearly perfect for life in close association with their God. It is a study of stubborn determination (on behalf of Church elders surely and, indeed, regarding the pilgrims' persistence), and an indictment of a hairbrained scheme, one that took advantage of misplaced faith in a despot with a deep-seated persecution complex.
David Roberts, a well published author on many topics, gives a balanced appraisal of the plan for economics over convenience - of having people march overland, instead of riding in wagons, pulling two-wheeled carts of imperfect design and improper construction, transporting few possessions. 1,300 miles is a daunting distance to walk over the easiest of terrain, and in the best of climates. Health and youth are the greatest assets for such a journey but, sadly, hundreds of elderly and unprepared persons died in this attempt, when age and weakness took their terrible toll. Some lost their desire to establish the New Kingdom and abandoned the cause, but even those who died along the trail were often also condemned as unfit for fellowship among the blessed.
Mr. Roberts' research throughout the LDS archives (with great cooperation, he stresses) takes the apostates' and apologists' declamations in proportion to their beligerence and sincerity, making an even-handed assesment; he seeks the truth without bias and, in my opinion, fairly represents a story of determination in all the aspects of that word.

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Minggu, 22 November 2015

## Download Mortal Danger (Ann Rule's Crime Files #13), by Ann Rule

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Mortal Danger (Ann Rule's Crime Files #13), by Ann Rule

FROM TRUST TO TERROR...
FROM SECURITY TO SURVIVAL

The author of The Stranger Beside Me brings her brilliantly informed understanding of the sociopath to this riveting truecrime collection. Only Ann Rule, who unknowingly worked alongside the smart and charming Ted Bundy -- America's most notorious serial killer -- could lend her razor-sharp insight into these cases of the spouse, lover, family member, or helpful stranger who is totally trusted but whose lethally violent nature, though masterfully disguised, can and will kill. Featured here is the case of a Southern California family man who appeared to be the picture of healthy living with his expertise in naturopathic healing. Luring a beautiful flight attendant into a passionate affair, he swept her away to a secluded home on the Oregon coast where his jealous rages escalated, ultimately leading to a brutal sex attack in which she believed she would die. How this brave victim survived, never knowing her tormentor's whereabouts, and how he resurfaced, forcing a tragic end for all involved, makes this one of Ann Rule's most compelling narratives. Other cases include that of the woman who masterminded her husband's murder to gain his inheritance...the monstrous sadist whose prison release damaged a presidential candidate's campaign and ended in a bitter double tragedy in a quiet neighborhood three thousand miles away...the shocking DNA link between a cold-blooded crime and a cold case...and inside the horrific case of the man who crossed an ocean and several countries to stalk the Eurasian beauty who had fled from him in desperation.

  • Sales Rank: #272591 in Books
  • Brand: Pocket Books
  • Published on: 2008-11-25
  • Released on: 2008-11-25
  • Original language: English
  • Number of items: 1
  • Dimensions: 6.75" h x 1.00" w x 4.19" l, .55 pounds
  • Binding: Mass Market Paperback
  • 480 pages
Features
  • Great product!

About the Author
Ann Rule is the author of thirty New York Times bestsellers, all of them still in print. Her first bestseller was The Stranger Beside Me, about her personal relationship to infamous serial killer Ted Bundy. A former Seattle police officer, she knows the crime scene firsthand. For more than two decades, she has been a powerful advocate for victims of violent crime. She lives near Seattle. Visit her at AuthorAnnRule.com.

Most helpful customer reviews

40 of 44 people found the following review helpful.
Yet Another Riveting Read by Rule
By Harmony_O
Over the years, I've read all of Ann Rule's true crime books, and usually look forward to the release of her new books. I special-ordered this one from a local privately-owned bookstore (it's good to keep money flowing locally!) and picked it up yesterday. Didn't have time to start reading it until after 10pm, right about when I usually watch the news and then go to sleep. Well, once I started to read it, I was riveted...couldn't put it down. Notably, I don't remember ever being so totally full of fear all the way through a book. Uncut, unadulterated...pure fear.

Though I fell asleep about halfway through, and fortunately did not dream about any of the cases Ann covers in "Mortal Danger", I simply had to finish reading it shortly after sunrise when I awoke.

So scary that neighbors, and people we trust, might turn out to be someone who will turn on us unexpectedly. Or that a kind and innocent young person could get off a bus and disappear into the night, in a relatively safe area, blocks from home.

My sympathy goes out to all affected by these tragedies.

23 of 25 people found the following review helpful.
Mortal Danger
By Heather M. Koppenheffer
Mortal Danger is a page turner by the Queen of true crime Ms. Ann Rule. This book is gripping from the first page to the last and rich with details. The first story in the book is a story of abuse and survival. Ann fully reconstructs the events of a woman named Kate in a deeply moving account of her strength and courage to persevere and move past the abuse, hurt, fear and anguish of domestic violence. This is an intimate portrait of her struggle.

The second story is about the murders of a happy young couple by a heartless killer. It is an unforgettable account. Ann focused on the circumstances surrounding the murder and the investigation done by a diligent police team. Ann has a way of explaining law and police procedures like no one else can.

All the stories in this book are brilliantly written and this book is hard to put down. I highly recommended this book.

21 of 24 people found the following review helpful.
Feeding Your Ann Rule Addiction in Bite-size Morsels
By MJS
I went into this knowing that Ann Rule's Crime Files cover multiple cases in one book as opposed to just one. Even though I've been an Ann Rule fan for years this is the first Crime Files I've read the simple reason being that I prefer in depth analysis but I needed a fix from the master. Thus my expectations for this book were far from high.

Mortal Danger actually go in depth on two cases and gives a once over lightly to three others. The first case tells yet another sad tale of a controlling man who goes off the deep end trying to keep a woman from leaving. Rule has covered this ground before but this time the man in question, "Dr" John Branden adds to the mix by being the disciple of a long-forgotten con-man. Stories like this always beg the unfair question of "why does she stay with him?" instead of the more obvious, "how does this whack job get away with this for so long?" It may take a village to raise a child but it takes a team of true-believers to help the likes of Branden avoid the law: old friends, daughters, ex-patients. These are the people I find baffling.

The next case is more standard police-procedural and bully for Ann Rule for being the rare true crime writer who can handle more than one style. There's plenty of CSI-like action on display in the story of the mysteriously massacred newlyweds. There's also another sad display of both our justice system dropping the ball and the women who bypass Match.com in favor of Inmate.com. I'm all for true-love, the power of forgiveness, belief in the essential goodness of humanity and the power of change but a man who's been incarcerated for a murder, especially the murder of his mother, is not penpal material let alone marriage material. This is a bit of logic deducible even by single-cell lifeforms and therefore also by women named Jennifer who live in bathroom-free trailers.

The rest of the stories give further proof that good fences make good neighbors. Make that electrified fences. In lesser hands these would be worth a few paragraphs in a newspaper but Ann Rule has a knack for showing us the lives - not just the names - caught up in horrible crimes. Yes, she does sometimes over-praise the victims but so what? Ann Rule is about giving the victim equal time with the killer and that's one of the things that makes her books so addictive.

There was one other difference I noticed in this Crime Files book versus her other books, the prose got a little purple now and then. Not a big deal, just noticeable. Even sub-par Ann Rule - and this is far from sub-par - is exponentially better than most true crime being published today.

I love you, Ann Rule. Never change. But lay off the days that " dawn bright and clear, ok?

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Jumat, 20 November 2015

> Fee Download The UltraMetabolism Cookbook: 200 Delicious Recipes that Will Turn on Your Fat-Burning DNA, by Mark Hyman

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The UltraMetabolism Cookbook: 200 Delicious Recipes that Will Turn on Your Fat-Burning DNA, by Mark Hyman

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The UltraMetabolism Cookbook: 200 Delicious Recipes that Will Turn on Your Fat-Burning DNA, by Mark Hyman

From the Three-Time New York Times Bestselling Author of Ultraprevention, Ultrametabolism, and The Ultrasimple Diet. In UltraMetabolism, Dr. Mark Hyman brought the new science of weight loss to the general public. By learning to work with the body instead of against it, you can ignite your natural fat-burning furnace and reprogram your body to burn fat and keep it off for good.

In UltraMetabolism, Dr. Mark Hyman brought the new science of weight loss to the general public. By learning to work with the body instead of against it, you can ignite your natural fat-burning furnace and reprogram your body to burn fat and keep it off for good.

Simply put, eat the right foods and send instructions of weight loss and health; eat the wrong foods and send messages of weight gain and disease.

The UltraMetabolism Cookbook puts Ultra-Metabolism into overdrive with 200 convenient, easy-to-prepare, and, of course, delicious recipes for the right foods that will bring on a lifetime of good health and healthy weight.

The first part of the book reacquaints the reader with the UltraMetabolism plan and then offers a wide variety of delicious, easily prepared dishes for both Phase I—the three-week detoxification of your system—and Phase II, which rebalances your metabolism in four weeks and offers the way to a healthy metabolism for life!

Look your best, feel your best, perform at your best, and eat such fantastic meals as Roasted Shrimp, Turkey and Red Bean Chili, and Ratatouille. And that's just Phase I!

As you progress through the UltraMetabolism plan and enter Phase II, you'll add satisfying, flavor-packed appetizers—Curried Deviled Eggs with Cashews, anyone?—as well as many more new salads, meats, fish, shellfish, soups, poultry, grains, vegetables, breakfast foods, and snacks. And there are lots of plant-based options and bean dishes for vegetarians.

In addition to the clear, cutting-edge science and great recipes in The UltraMetabolism Cookbook, you'll find countless ideas of how to integrate the UltraMetabolism way of eating into your lifestyle, from quick weeknight suppers to entertaining and holiday meals.

  • Sales Rank: #38838 in Books
  • Brand: Hyman, Mark
  • Model: 3587725
  • Published on: 2007-11-20
  • Released on: 2007-11-20
  • Ingredients: Example Ingredients
  • Original language: English
  • Number of items: 1
  • Dimensions: 9.13" h x 1.00" w x 8.13" l, 1.89 pounds
  • Binding: Hardcover
  • 304 pages
Features
  • Used Book in Good Condition

About the Author
Mark Hyman, MD, is the editor in chief of Alternative Therapies in Health and Medicine, the most prestigious journal in the field of integrative medicine. After ten years as co-medical director at Canyon Ranch in the Berkshires, he is now in private practice in Lenox, Massachusetts. He is the coauthor of the New York Times bestseller Ultraprevention. His websites are DrHyman.com and Ultrametabolism.com.

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187 of 189 people found the following review helpful.
Excellent cookbook!
By Kathy Murphy
I have to say that this is the best cookbook as far as using whole foods and grains. I started on this eating program 3 weeks ago and have already lost 11 lbs. It can get time consuming cooking all your food from scratch but I have to say that I feel like I am eating like a queen. Fast food joints and quick food can not compare to the receipes in this book. It's like eating at a gourmet restaurant all the time. I feel so much better, less pain from fibromyalgia and much more energy. Truly amazing.

114 of 118 people found the following review helpful.
This book is great for people with food allergies!!!
By tanaleefive
I tried the Ultrametabolism detox diet and had great success, so it was natural for me to want the cookbook. I love it! It includes a list of allergens for each recipe and includes nutritional information. Most of the recipes are fairly basic and not too time consuming. We have like just about everything we have tried. I definitely recommend this book!

523 of 525 people found the following review helpful.
A lifestyle change
By Michael R.
If you are looking for a diet book, this book isn't for you. If, however, you want to change the way you eat, feel better, and keep the weight off that you lose then buy this book.

The first section of the book explains why preservatives and artificial food additives are bad and why eating freshly made foods can increase the metabolism. The second section is divided into two phases of recipes; the first being a month-long detoxification phase to clear out preservatives and artificial substances out of the body, and the second phase is a more broad set of recipes that is less restrictive on what you can eat.

If you do plan to try this book, you need to be prepared to:

1) Be able to follow recipes and cook for yourself or have some one to do so for you. No fast food or frozen dinners.
2) Have time to cook. While some of the recipes are quick, others take quite a bit of time. I can make grilled chicken in about 15 minutes, but making soup can take nearly an hour. (I double or triple recipes and keep left-overs for time-consuming recipes.)
3) Buy kitchen utensils and appliances. The book lists useful ones. I haven't bought the full list, but the ones I have do really help make things easier.

Now you must be asking yourself, "If I get this book, will it really work?" In my case, I have been seriously overweight for most of my life. I have tried other diets, but none seemed to work. At my last weigh-in at my doctor's office before getting this book I was 344 lbs and wearing a size 50 jeans. After 5 months using these recipes I returned and weighed in at 279 lbs wearing a size 44 jeans (That is 65 lbs in 5 months).

Try it, stick with it, and it will work for you. The food tastes great due to the spices, so I never have a problem wanting something I shouldn't have. I really recommend this book to anyone who needs to take off the weight and keep it off naturally.

Edit:

I thought I should update this since it has been one year now since I bought this book. I am currently down to 234 pounds and a size 40 (meaning I have lost 110 pounds and 10 inches in the past year since I bought this book). Over the course of the year I have branched off from using the recipes alone, but I have always following the guidelines found in the first section. I still recommend this book and have done so for many of my friends and coworkers when they ask me what I did to lose weight.

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Rabu, 18 November 2015

* Ebook Free The Darcy Connection: A Novel, by Elizabeth Aston

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The Darcy Connection: A Novel, by Elizabeth Aston

In The Darcy Connection, Mr. Collins of Pride and Prejudice is now the Bishop of Ripon, living with his wife, Charlotte, and their two daughters, who have reached marriageable age. The elder, another Charlotte, is extraordinarily beautiful, and her parents hope her looks and connections will ensure a brilliant marriage. Her sister, Eliza, while not as handsome, possesses a lively intelligence that, in Mr. Collins's opinion, is too like her godmother, Mrs. Darcy.

In London, Charlotte's beauty wins her many admirers, despite her small fortune. But Eliza's wit and attempts to interfere in what she considers an unsuitable marriage for her sister infuriate her family and Charlotte's suitor -- until Eliza herself meets her match. New and old fans alike will relish this witty, romantic, thoroughly entertaining novel from a highly talented author.

  • Sales Rank: #831053 in Books
  • Brand: Aston, Elizabeth
  • Published on: 2008-03-04
  • Released on: 2008-03-04
  • Original language: English
  • Number of items: 1
  • Dimensions: 8.00" h x .80" w x 5.25" l, .55 pounds
  • Binding: Paperback
  • 304 pages

From Publishers Weekly
Aston's latest foray into Austendom (after Mrs. Darcy's Daughters) follows the children of Elizabeth Bennet's friend Mrs. Collins, who married the uninspired vicar Collins, now an uninspired bishop. Their eldest, Charlotte, has grown into rare beauty; Charlotte's sister, and our heroine, is Eliza—Mrs. Darcy's goddaughter. Eliza has ill-advisedly acquired a tendresse for Anthony Diggory, the son of the local squire, which is passionately returned. Sent off to London as companion for Charlotte, however, Eliza opens her eyes both to the possibilities of the larger world and her own place there, thence lessening the desirability of a Yorkshire life and of Anthony. Assisting this process is the handsome but proud banker, Bartholomew Bruton, with whom Eliza first becomes annoyed and then enamored. If she can save Charlotte from a cad and fend off Anthony, among other complications, Eliza may just find happiness. More development of Charlotte and one or two fewer complications would have helped, and some ends are simply too tidy. But the results are still utterly charming, with all the verve, humor and Austenian turns of plot one expects from Aston. (Apr.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

About the Author
Elizabeth Aston is a passionate Jane Austen fan who studied with Austen biographer Lord David Cecil at Oxford. The author of several novels, including Mr. Darcy's Daughters, she lives in England and Italy.

Visit www.elizabeth-aston.com for more information.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Chapter One

"They cannot marry! It is impossible. Out of the question. I will not have it."

The bishop, for once shocked into silence by the vehemence of Squire Diggory's words, stared at his neighbour, his mind divided into alarm at the prospect of losing the goodwill of a man of consequence and influence, and displeasure at the folly of his younger daughter.

Sir Roger Diggory and his neighbour the Bishop of Ripon were sitting in deep leather armchairs in the library of Diggory Hall, a rambling mansion dating from the days of Queen Elizabeth, which had been shaped into some semblance of modernity by the addition of a noble classical façade and here in the library, by a remodelling in the style of Adam.

It was Sir Roger's mother and the present Lady Diggory who were responsible for these improvements; for himself, the squire was perfectly content to have his house and possessions just as they had been for generations of former Diggorys, who now lay in seemly ranks in the Diggory vaults of the nearby church.

A church that would not, Sir Roger insisted, thumping his fists on the arms of his chair, ever celebrate the nuptials of his son and Bishop Collins's daughter.

The bishop found his voice at last. "No, no, it is not to be thought of." No such marriage could possibly be countenanced! Yet, was Sir Roger perhaps making too much of a mere friendship? Anthony Diggory and the bishop's daughter Eliza had known one another for several years, were accustomed to being in one another's company. For himself, he had no idea of anything stronger than a kind of brother and sister affection.

"That's because you're a fool, Bishop." Sir Roger had a reasonable respect for the cloth, but first things first, and his family and his ambitions for his children far outweighed any need for civility to a man simply because he wore gaiters and a bishop's apron. Clergyman or not, the man needed to be sharper than that. "Maybe Miss Eliza wasn't making sheep's eyes at Anthony when he went away to Oxford. That don't signify; it's what she's been up to since he got back that worries me. And his mother. And should worry you."

Bishop Collins squirmed in his seat, which creaked at the pressure, causing the dog lying before the fire to raise his head and look at him. A look that seemed to say, Take care, Bishop.

Sheep's eyes! What had Eliza been up to behind her parents' back? That he should live to hear a daughter of his described in such a fashion. "I have no wish to defend my daughter's behaviour, if it is as you say -- "

"It is, or I would not have said it."

"However, Anthony cannot be entirely... He is older than she, and -- "

"Pooh! Older by some eighteen months, what's that?"

"He has a wider experience of the world, and surely -- "

"Are you suggesting that my son has wilfully set himself to win the affections of your daughter? Are you calling him a seducer, sir? A rake, perhaps?"

Sir Roger was a bulky man, and his normally florid face was assuming an even more alarming hue; he might be about to succumb to an apoplectic fit. The bishop was quick with his protestations that he meant nothing of the kind. "Eliza is young, and young for her years. She is inclined to be impulsive -- "

"Any inclination to impulsiveness should have been whipped out of her when she was a child."

"What I am saying is that we should not mistake high spirits and innocence for anything worse."

Sir Roger glared at the bishop from beneath bristly eyebrows. "I am not in the habit of making mistakes. The mistakes, sir, lie with your daughter in presuming to lay out her lures for my son, and with you for not having seen what she was up to, and putting an immediate end to it."

"I will speak to her directly we are home. I assure you that she will feel the full weight of a father's anger and disappointment."

The squire grunted. "All very well, but what needs to be done is to separate them."

"You think Anthony should go away for a time?"

"Anthony? I do not. Why should he be driven from his home, just when I need him to learn about the estate? No, no, that's not what I mean at all. Eliza must go. Send her away. Send her to Derbyshire, to those grand connections of yours, send her to stay with the Darcys."

Send her to Pemberley? It was a tempting thought, an easy way out of a difficulty -- only, how to justify such an action to his daughter, or his wife? Mr. Darcy's daughters were all away from there, all married -- one way or the other -- Mr. Collins made it his business to know all the secrets of the Darcy family. Mr. and Mrs. Darcy were not in Derbyshire at present, he recollected. They were abroad again, on government business, Austria once again. Eliza would not want to go to Derbyshire to stay with her two youngest cousins, that was certain.

Sir Roger rose, hitched his breeches up over his spreading waist, and kicked a log into the fire. "See to it, Bishop. Talk to your wife, she don't want for sense. And now we must join the others, or they'll begin to wonder what we're so busy about, here in the library. Ecclesiastical business, we shall tell them, that'll put a stop to any questions. Ha!"

It had been a large gathering for dinner at Diggory Hall, for Sir Roger and his lady enjoyed entertaining and were on good terms with most of the inhabitants of houses within visiting distance. A full moon made driving easy, the Diggorys' cook was a master with the substantial viands that pleased Yorkshire people, and Sir Roger's cellar was famous; no one refused his invitations to dine.

The party from Ripon filled the bishop's carriage. Apart from Bishop Collins and Mrs. Collins, their two daughters accompanied them: Charlotte, who was twenty-one, and Eliza, who had just had her twentieth birthday. In addition, making rather a crush on the seat, was the formidable presence of Lady Grandpoint, Mrs. Collins's aunt, who was paying a visit after taking the waters at Harrogate. The bishop had set off in good spirits, feeling his consequence enhanced by a ladyship in the family; now, on the way home, he was silent and gloomy.

The carriage rattled through the stately gates and up the drive to halt with a flourish before the doors of the Palace. Usually, the bishop gave a sigh of contentment at this point. A man of little intellect and less understanding, he felt vastly satisfied with his lot. Advancement in the Church had been more rapid and taken him further than he could ever have hoped, and until this last week, he would have defied any churchman in the kingdom to be more pleased with his life.

Tonight there was no long exhalation of prelatical breath, no expansion of his chest, decked in purple, no gracious nod to the coachman or to the waiting butler.

"Old gas and gaiters is in a mood tonight," the coachman observed to the groom as he swung down from his perch.

The groom, who had swiftly and expertly removed the carriage horses from their traces, paused in his work of rubbing one of them down. "Dined up at Diggory Hall, didn't they? Squire's in a rare taking on account of Mr. Anthony being sweet on our Miss Eliza. I dare say they had words about it." He gave the horse a slap on its broad rump to emphasise his point.

"It'd be a good match for her, she'd be Lady Diggory one day."

"It won't come to that, her ladyship has other ideas for Mr. Anthony, you mark my words."

Neither of the girls paid any attention to their father's brooding mood. Had Eliza thought about it, she might have wondered why, after a convivial evening, with plentiful wine, her father should be so morose, why his heightened colour spoke of temper rather than joviality. As it was, she cared nothing for how anyone looked or felt, since she had no thoughts for anyone except Anthony.

She had looked forward to the dinner party with the keenest anticipation, revelling in the delight of the hours to be spent in Anthony's company. He would contrive it so that they would sit next to each other at dinner, and then later there might be dancing, Sir Roger loved to see young people enjoying themselves, and Maria Diggory's governess was a dab hand at playing waltzes and country dances upon the pianoforte.

Until she entered the great hall at Diggory Hall, where the company was assembled, it never occurred to her that Anthony might not be there. As she dropped her curtsy to Lady Diggory and greeted the numerous company, all known to her, her eyes scanned the room, as though Anthony could be lurking in the shadows.

He was not. Anthony, Sir Roger blandly informed Mrs. Collins in Eliza's hearing, had gone away for a few days, to Udall Farm, where a few matters needed attending to on his father's behalf. Too far for him to ride over for the dinner party, although he had been eager to do so.

"No, no, I told him. There's no one here this evening that he won't see again while the good weather holds, and he's not to be riding twenty miles each way for a party at his father's house. I dare say he'll have found some like-minded young men around there to pass a pleasant evening with, no need for a young man to sit alone when the day's work is done."

It was all said in a light-hearted tone, but Eliza knew that his beady eyes were regarding her with no great liking. She turned away to find Charlotte standing beside her.

"You were set for an evening's flirting," her sister said. "Instead, you look as though you couldn't find yourself in more disagreeable company."

It was amazing that Charlotte could be so blind. If Eliza didn't know her so well, she would have said Charlotte was being malicious, but Charlotte was never malicious. Eliza knew how little notice her sister took of other people, and she suspected that Charlotte, wrapped in her own remote world, cared too little about most of her fellow human beings ever to need or to want to be malicious. Charlotte clearly had no idea how things were between Eliza and Anthony; well, that was all to the good, otherwise she might feel obliged to mention it to Mama, and then there might be trouble. No, would be trouble, and Eliza and Anthony had been so careful, so circumspect, had made so much effort to keep secret their growing delight i...

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10 of 11 people found the following review helpful.
3 1/2 stars: a delightful read
By tregatt
While I would not count Elizabeth Ashton's latest, "The Darcy Connection" as an example of her very best work, I'd have to admit: it really is a charming and enjoyable read.

"The Darcy Connection" follows the fortunes of Mr. Collins' two daughters, Charlotte and Eliza, as they navigate their way through a merciless London season. Both Charlotte and Eliza are of marriageable age; however Mr. Collins, now Bishop of Ripon, has not the means to secure either of his daughters a desirous match. Fortunately for Charlotte at least, her wealthy godmother is willing to sponsor a London season for her, sure that her extraordinary beauty will ensure her a brilliant match. Headstrong Eliza however accompanies her sister not because an equally brilliant match is expected for her so much as to remove her from the sphere of a smitten suitor whose parents oppose of their son's attachment to Eliza. Defiant, Eliza is resolved to show no interest in London swains and fashions -- that is until a dismissive remark from a certain gentleman causes her to rethink her stance...

While quite the enjoyable and delightful read, Elizabeth Ashton did reuse many plot motifs and devices from previous novels -- like beautiful but remote elder sisters, and heroes who seem to disapprove of the heroine and who make initial cutting remarks that they later live to regret. So really, there was nothing terribly original or unique about "The Darcy Connection." On the other hand, it was a well crafted novel, full of thoughtfully depicted characters, that made for an absorbing and compelling read. So that even though I personally wished that Charlotte had been less of a cipher and that she had figured more vitally into the story at hand; and even though I thought that there was a missed opportunity not to have included Mr. Collins more into the plot, I will say that "The Darcy Connection" truly was a charming and delightful read.

11 of 13 people found the following review helpful.
Elizabeth Ashton's best yet!
By Christina Boyd
I just finished it and have such a grin on my face! I have enjoyed all of Ashton's books-- and this one is by far her best! Her writing is always top-notch, well-developed story lines, and well researched for the language and period. How can you not immediately love the heroine of the story who is named after her godmother, Elizabeth Darcy! and has similar character traits. Some of Ashton's characters from her previous books are sprinkled through out adding color and drama... even the dispicable George Warren, the angling, spiteful step-son of Caroline Warren, nee Bingley. Eliza is the 2nd daughter of the Collins' and like in P&P, she is not so beautiful as her elder sister so must get on by her other natural assets. I'll not spoil any of the story for you but know it is full of sweet romance, witty conversations, a clever maid!, handsome,exciting, rich men (both good and bad!) and even a Mr. Darcy sighting! I've been waiting for this new novel and am so glad to add it to my library. The subtle and some blatant similarities to P&P are entertaining and fun to recognize! I look forward to re-reading this at a more leisurely pace. This is a keeper.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Pleasurable Fun for the Fans
By Tricia Huff
That famously infamous power couple from "Pride and Prejudice", Mr. and Mrs. Collins, have grown into middle age and now have two grown daughters, Eliza and Charlotte, both unmarried, and like all Austen maidens, in need of a husband. A visit from Mrs. Collin's aunt, Lady Grandpoint, along with an entanglement between Eliza and the son of the local squire, generates the perfect excuse for a London season for the two girls. With great pleasure, Lady Grandpoint escorts Eliza and Charlotte to her London home. There the Grand Dame hopes that Charlotte's beauty will ensnare a man of fortune, as she looks for ways to quench Eliza's passions and pressure her to accept the advances of a respectable, but boorish, clergyman.

Unbeknownst to the forthright Lady Grandpoint, for her two young companions, London is the place for secrets. The aloof and extraordinarily beautiful Charlotte does attract many admirers, but the coolness of her manners leads one to conclude that her heart is not easily touched. As Eliza watches with a careful eye and bets are placed at the aristocratic mens' clubs, all wonder, "Who will Charlotte choose?" It seems that for everyone there is money at stake.

And Eliza herself is no slouch when it comes to keeping her own counsel. Eliza finds herself reluctantly attracted to the sharp and intelligent Bartholomew Bruton, while she struggles with her loyalty to the boy back home, with whom she is secretly engaged. The secret correspondence between the two, if it became known, would ruin her reputation, and her sister's by association. As if such entanglements are not enough to keep her busy, Eliza must guard the secret of just how she is coming into the extra pin money that is paying for the fashionable gowns she is wearing about town. This last secret alone threatens to destroy not just her sister's and her own reputations, but risks the position and prospects of her father, Bishop Collins.

As the novel progresses, we learn more about the limits of Charlotte's restraint and watch Eliza grow to add sense to her sensibility. This is a clever play upon the sisterly relationships of Elinor and Marianne in Austen's "Sense and Sensibility," along with a bit of Jane and Elizabeth from "Pride and Prejudice." Aston's love for Austen shines through, but she never takes herself too seriously by trying to imitate too closely. Any serious fan of Jane Austen should find this sequel to be pleasurable fun.

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The 188th Crybaby Brigade: A Skinny Jewish Kid from Chicago Fights Hezbollah--A Memoir, by Joel Chasnoff


Look at me. Do you see me? Do you see me in my olive-green uniform, beret, and shiny black boots? Do you see the assault rifle slung across my chest? Finally! I am the badass Israeli soldier at the side of the road, in sunglasses, forearms like bricks. And honestly -- have you ever seen anything quite like me?

Joel Chasnoff is twenty-four years old, an American, and the graduate of an Ivy League university. But when his career as a stand-up comic fails to get off the ground, Chasnoff decides it's time for a serious change of pace. Leaving behind his amenity-laden Brooklyn apartment for a plane ticket to Israel, Joel trades in the comforts of being a stereotypical American Jewish male for an Uzi, dog tags (with his name misspelled), and serious mental and physical abuse at the hands of the Israeli Army.

The 188th Crybaby Brigade is a hilarious and poignant account of Chasnoff's year in the Israel Defense Forces -- a year that he volunteered for, and that he'll never get back. As a member of the 188th Armored Brigade, a unit trained on the Merkava tanks that make up the backbone of Israeli ground forces, Chasnoff finds himself caught in a twilight zone-like world of mandatory snack breaks, battalion sing-alongs, and eighteen-year-old Israeli mama's boys who feign injuries to get out of guard duty and claim diarrhea to avoid kitchen work. More time is spent arguing over how to roll a sleeve cuff than studying the mechanics of the Merkava tanks. The platoon sergeants are barely older than the soldiers and are younger than Chasnoff himself. By the time he's sent to Lebanon for a tour of duty against Hezbollah, Chasnoff knows everything about why snot dries out in the desert, yet has never been trained in firing the MAG. And all this while his relationship with his tough-as-nails Israeli girlfriend (herself a former drill sergeant) crumbles before his very eyes.

The lone American in a platoon of eighteen-year-old Israelis, Chasnoff takes readers into the barracks; over, under, and through political fences; and face-to-face with the absurd reality of life in the Israeli Army. It is a brash and gritty depiction of combat, rife with ego clashes, breakdowns in morale, training mishaps that almost cost lives, and the barely containable sexual urges of a group of teenagers. What's more, it's an on-the-ground account of life in one of the most em-battled armies on earth -- an occupying force in a hostile land, surrounded by enemy governments and terrorists, reviled by much of the world. With equal parts irreverence and vulnerability, irony and intimacy, Chasnoff narrates a new kind of coming-of-age story -- one that teaches us, moves us, and makes us laugh.

  • Sales Rank: #743665 in Books
  • Published on: 2010-02-09
  • Released on: 2010-02-09
  • Original language: English
  • Number of items: 1
  • Dimensions: 9.00" h x 1.00" w x 6.00" l, 1.00 pounds
  • Binding: Hardcover
  • 288 pages
Features
  • ISBN13: 9781416549321
  • Condition: Used - Good
  • Notes: 100% Satisfaction Guarantee. Tracking provided on most orders. Buy with Confidence! Millions of books sold!

Review
“One of the funniest books you’ll ever read about the sometimes absurd alternative reality of the IDF.... What drives the book – which is named after the nickname Chasnoff’s commander gave to the unit – is Chasnoff’s uncanny ability to nail the various idiosyncratic elements of the Israeli psyche as mirrored in the 18-year-old boys he’s thrown his lot in with for a year.”—The Jerusalem Post

“An unusual story, humorous but not without heartbreak, told well by an intelligent and funny person.”—The Forward

“Laugh-out-loud funny.... [Chasnoff] has some serious and even shocking things to say about Israel and its relationship with American Jews, and I promise you that you will not think about your own Jewishness in quite the same way after you finish his smart, funny and provocative book.”—Los Angeles Jewish Journal

“Through the humor, the tone dips deep into tenets of Judaism, Middle East politics, discrimination, racism and more. Ultimately, the author offers a poignant account of attitudes and policies that are bound to fail the region. And sadly, it's funny as hell.”—Colorado Springs Independent

“Part Stripes, part Camp Ramah, comedian Joel Chasnoff presents a new kind of coming-of-age story in his memoir and first book, The 188th Crybaby Brigade.... Chasnoff’s comedic timing and honest heart shine throughout the narrative as we follow his journey from supposed zero to Israeli hero.”—Jewish Book World

"In The 188th Crybaby Brigade, former Israeli soldier Joel Chasnoff [describes] his service as a passionate defender of Israel in an army that seems to be collapsing into tactical mediocrity and a widespread indifference to duty... A pleasure to read... that make[s] war a personal journey through a hazy political landscape." —Washington Post

"A great tale, a Jewish Jarhead. It's a book about war, peace, marriage, the Middle East, titty twisters, and Spam. A funny, thoughtful, and poignant story." -- A. J. Jacobs, New York Times bestselling author of The Year of Living Biblically

"In this illuminating work Joel Chasnoff does for the IDF what Mailer did for the Pacific campaign and O'Brien for the war in Vietnam. This is a chilling book." -- Anthony Swofford, New York Times bestselling author of Jarhead

"This comic coming-of-age memoir is as touching as it is tough, as insightful as it is funny. The 188th Crybaby Brigade is an unsentimental but moving portrait of a soldier's heart and mind." -- Lauren Weisberger, New York Times bestselling author of The Devil Wears Prada and Chasing Harry Winston

"Joel Chasnoff writes like Woody Allen channeling Leon Uris, with altogether charming results. As hilarious, unsparing, and surprisingly tender a memoir as they come." -- Elisa Albert, author of The Book of Dahlia

"Joel Chasnoff's fascinating account of his time in the Israel Defense Forces is a rare window into the real Israel. If you really want to understand the Jewish state and its army, put away the propaganda and read this unusually funny and honest book." -- Sam Apple, author of Schlepping Through the Alps and American Parent

About the Author
Joel Chasnoff is a stand-up comedian and writer with stage and screen credits in eight countries. His writing has been featured in The Idiot’s Guide to Jokes and The Big Book of Jewish Humor: 25th Anniversary Edition. On tour, he was the warm-up act for Jon Stewart and Lewis Black of The Daily Show. 

After graduating from the University of Pennsylvania, Chasnoff moved to Israel and volunteered for a combat unit of the Israeli Army. As a member of the 188th Armored Brigade, Chasnoff was voted Outstanding Soldier of the Company and deployed to Lebanon for a tour of duty against Hezbollah. The 188th Crybaby Brigade is Chasnoff’s humorous memoir about his year in the Israeli military.

A portion of all proceeds from sales of The 188th Crybaby Brigade is donated to Chasnoff’s charitable foundation, Project Elijah.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
THE RUSSIAN

The Russian is poking my balls.

It’s awkward.

I’ve been trapped in this dank examination room since nine o’clock. In five minutes it’ll be nine-thirty, and I feel like a dope, what with my boxer shorts at my ankles and my dick in my hand so the Russian can get a good view.

“Hmm,” he says.

It’s Tuesday morning, the eighth of July, and I’m at the Israel Defense Forces Induction Center outside Tel Aviv. I arrived in Israel three weeks ago. Today is my first pre-army checkup.

The Russian says something in Hebrew, but I can’t understand him through his thick Russian accent.

“Huh?” I say.

He switches to broken English. “You pee-nus ? hurt you?”

“Lo!” I say in Hebrew, and shake my head. “Penis tov! My penis is
fine.”

The Russian scoots forward on his knees. He’s about sixty years old and bald. Even though he’s a doctor, he’s dressed like a plumber—plaid short-sleeve shirt, dirty jeans. I imagine that back in Russia he was a brain surgeon. Now he checks gonads for the Israeli Army.

“Up,” he says.

I lift my penis until it’s flat against my stomach.

He squeezes my testicles gently as if trying to pick the perfect peach. His forehead is inches from my belly. I’m a hiccup away from a dishonorable discharge.

“Cough,” he says.

“Huh-hem.”

He pulls his enormous Clark Kent eyeglasses off the crown of his head, presses them onto his nose, and jots a note on his clipboard, while I, in the meantime, try to think about anything in the world besides how much I hate holding myself while a nearsighted, balding Russian takes notes.

I try to name every team in the National League.

Cubs. Phillies. Mets.

My visit to the Induction Center began at eight this morning, when I showed up at the front gate without so much as an appointment. “I can’t let you in without draft orders,” said the soldier guarding the entrance. He was a chubby kid, with blond hair, sunglasses, and an Uzi. He stood in a white booth next to a chain-link fence. A hundred yards behind him were the three redbrick buildings that made up the Induction Center com-
plex.

I explained in Hebrew that because I’d immigrated to Israel less than a month ago, I hadn’t yet received my draft orders. “But here,” I said, pulling out my brand-new national ID card. “I’m Israeli.”

The soldier scrutinized my ID card. Then he looked at me, then back at the card, and then back to me. “Where’re you from?” he asked suspiciously.

“The United States,” I said.

“America,” he purred. “Where?”

“Chicago.”

“Chicago Bulls!” he cried. “Michael Jordan!”

“I’ve driven past his house,” I said.

He handed me my ID. “Straight ahead. Inside the middle building.”

The Russian grabs the edge of his desk and hoists himself to his feet. “Bend over,” he orders. He must see the look of horror that flashes across my face, because he quickly adds, “You can put on your pants first.”

Thank God.

I bend over and touch my toes. The Russian taps my spine. “Your back’s crooked,” he says.

“It is?” I shout through my legs, trying to sound surprised.

“You ever have back pain?” he asks.

The way I see it, I have two options. Option One: tell the truth, that is, confess to the Russian doctor that I was diagnosed with mild scoliosis when I was nine and that, three months ago, during a pickup basketball game at the JCC, I collapsed to the gymnasium floor with back pain so severe it took the paramedics thirty minutes just to roll me onto the stretcher. I would then have no choice but to inform the Russian that my personal physician in the States, Dr. Zielinski, had advised me not to enlist in the Israeli Army—not that Zielinski had thought the IDF would take me. “I can’t speak for Israel,” he’d said, “but a back as messed up as yours would never be allowed in the Marine Corps.”

The problem with Option One is that if the Russian finds out about my back, he will assign me to a noncombat desk job. But I don’t want a desk job. I didn’t immigrate to Israel to type memos or change tires. I’m here because since I was seventeen years old, I’ve dreamed of jumping out of planes, charging up mountains, and hiking the desert with a pack on my back as a combat soldier in the Israeli Army. For this reason, I choose Op-
tion Two:

Lie.

“My back’s perfect,” I say.

“Hmm,” says the Russian.

He massages the glands in my neck. He studies the soles of my feet like they’re a map of the sunken treasure. He sticks an icy stethoscope into my chest and orders me to breathe.

“Ah-huh.”

“Sit.”

I sit. He sits across from me at his desk. “Tell me about your family,” the Russian says. “Any medical history I should know about?”

I shake my head.

“Your mother?”

My mother has multiple sclerosis, walks with a cane, and at times is confined to a wheelchair. “Nope.”

“Father?”

My dad’s back is worse than mine—so bad that he’s had surgery on it twice. “Nothing comes to mind.”

“Siblings?”

One of my younger brothers has Crohn’s disease. The other had croup, two hernias, and an undescended testicle. “Not that I can think of.”

The Russian scribbles on my chart. “You’re going combat,” he says.

I pump my fist and smile. My scoliosis has been overlooked! My feet are arched! My balls are worthy of a medal!

I skip to the door. “Chasnoff!” the Russian barks.

I freeze.

“Don’t do anything stupid,” he says.

Too late.

© 2010 Joel Chasnoff

Most helpful customer reviews

23 of 25 people found the following review helpful.
a gritty tale of desert sand and abrasive Jewish law
By Sallie C.
In a memoir that will make you sweat bullets and cry over spilt mikvah bath water, Joel Chasnoff takes the reader on a journey from his Chicago Jewish day school to armored tank school in the desert of Israel.
His good intention to serve in the Israeli army as a kind of nod to his heritage, told in tandem with his love affair and attempt to marry his Israeli girlfriend tells an ironic story that supports the truth in the statement, "no good deed goes unpunished."
Hilarious and at times unbelievable tales of his band of unlikely brothers in the army make for a very detailed and personal account of the inner workings of a defense system that succeeds in spite of itself. As his stint in basic training drags endlessly on, relieved only by occasional weekend furloughs into Jerusalem, Joel begins to doubt not only his faithfulness to the Israeli army and his girlfriend, but also his faith in his faith. Told with an uncommon honesty, an unfailing sense of wry humor and peppered with dilemmas that would stump the most thoughtful of Jewish scholars, his story is at once thoughtful and memorable.
After overcoming his reservations toward the slapdash training he receives as a soldier expected to defend the State of Israel and successfully completing his year of service, he is confronted with an enemy he never expected to encounter- a rabbinic counsel in Jerusalem that declares war on his Jewish identity when he and his fiance apply for a marriage license. Suddenly, Joel is in a battle with himself and the spiritual foundation on which he has lived his life. Eventually, Chicago and Jerusalem, Ireland and Israel converge in his mind and heart to resolve his poignant dilemma.
This is a book worth reading and talking about.

14 of 15 people found the following review helpful.
Amazing Read - Couldn't Put It Down
By Jason L
This is one of the best books I've read in a while. I was inspired to pick up a copy after seeing Joel Chasnoff perform at Limmud NY - he was hilarious and what he said about the book was hilarious too. I was right.

This book gives the reader a real insight into the Armored Division of the IDF, a real "behind-the-scenes" story that is at the same time both hilarious and horrifying. On top of being a great read, this book touches upon the differences in Israeli society and how difficult it is for an American Jew to try to integrate into that society.

I highly recommend this book! I can't remember the last time I read for hours straight and finished a book in one sitting. The most entertaining read I've had in a while.

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
188th CRYBABY BRIGADE - GREAT READ
By E. Goldman
Th 188th Crybaby Brigade is an interesting memoir of what really happens when you follow your dreams. It is essentially a post modern coming of age story and Joel Chasnoff tells it peppered with loads of humor and heart wrenching emotion - all of which anyone can relate to anywhere in time and space. For those familiar with life in Israel on any level, not just the army, this book will make you chuckle and nod in agreement. Equally, anyone who hasn't will be taken for a ride,entertained with snippets that could be ripped from anyone's life. Chasnoff marries comedy and narrative very well in this engaging book. An excellent read!

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